All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
