It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
