he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
