dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
