I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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