thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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