I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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