im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
