so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
