I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
