At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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