They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
