so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
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Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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