I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
