i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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