I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
