We're facebook friends in real life
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
