it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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