I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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