i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
