She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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