Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Randomize
