Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
