My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
