I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
