he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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