Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
