did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
