I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
