I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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