the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
