Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
