Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're a waste of cheezeits
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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