No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
