Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We had sex on a dog bed..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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