I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
