arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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