Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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