ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He? As in you personified your dick?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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