hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
