I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Pooping to opera.
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