Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
