So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
