I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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