My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
