omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
