is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
