I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
