I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
