I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
