ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
