if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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