It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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