Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize