Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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