she smelled like a LAN party
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need to calm my uterus...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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