Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
