yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
