I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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