Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
