I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize