she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
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Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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