is your mom at the bar?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
