yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
