Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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