Someone shit on the floor
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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