new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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