I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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