textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
