SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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