BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
